


Wrong Bod

by thebearking



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky is Too Hot for His Own Good, Cisswap, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Innuendo, Mutual Pining, No Smut, Other, POV Second Person, Protective Steve Rogers, Reader-Insert, Rule 63, Self-Insert, Sexual Tension, Suggestive Themes, Unrequited Lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2018-08-08 04:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7743976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebearking/pseuds/thebearking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Ash wakes up to discover that she has been transformed into a much more masculine version of herself and is desperate to change back. She asks Kai for help. Steve is jealous of this new "man" in Ash's life. Bucky is a flirt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Change

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is basically just a shameless self-insert. ash (she/her) has pyrokinetis and kai (they/them) has telepathy and neurokinesis. both are members of the avengers.

You awoke on your own that morning, lying half-asleep for what seemed like hours before finally opening your eyes and succumbing to full consciousness. You sat up, stretching your arms above your head in a yawn—and that’s when you paused, your brow furrowing in confusion. Your yawn sounded… odd. Deeper, gruffer… Perhaps you’d lost your voice. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes with your fists—and paused again, holding your hands out in front of your face. Your stomach did flip-flops.

Your hands were big. At least twice their usual size. They were normally small, even dainty, but these hands… These were big, strong, bony hands, with long digits and wider palms. These were a man’s hands. Your arms, too, looked different. The veins and tendons stood out more sharply under your skin, and your hair… Were your arms always this hairy?

“Okay…” you muttered, and at the sound of your voice, so throaty and deep, you clamped a hand to your mouth. What the hell was going on?

You threw the covers back and discovered that your drawstring pants no longer fit as they had when you went to bed the previous night. They appeared too short along your legs and especially snug around your pelvis, where an unfamiliar weight rested at the apex of your thighs.

You wanted nothing more than to scream, to burst into flames, but you did neither. Instead, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood, swaying a bit on these new legs of yours. You were tall, taller than usual. The bedside table was normally closer to your hand, you noticed, as you leaned over to grab it for support. Your whole body tingled. _What the hell had happened to you?_

You staggered into the bathroom, fumbling with the light switch— _your huge man hands fumbling tactlessly with the goddamn light switch_ —and stared at yourself in the mirror.

A man stared back.

Your mouth— _his_ mouth—hung open in outright awe. Your cheeks—those soft and round and beautiful cheeks craved by so many—were replaced with the prettiest cheekbones you’d ever seen. Your face had lost most of its baby softness, emphasizing a jawline practically chiseled from stone. The shadow of stubble across your jaw was unexpected but not unwelcome. You rubbed the back of your hand against it experimentally. It felt prickly and oddly satisfying.

Other than those new and not entirely undesirable features, your nose was the same, small and buttony. Your freckles remained in the same place, scattered across your cheeks like stars. Your hair was the same brown with hints of blond and flopped over your forehead in tight spirals. Your eyes were truest to the real you, the feminine you. They stared back at you as brown and as bright as ever. Your lashes looked even longer, and your lips… Were they _pinker_? You brought your fingers to your mouth, touching your thumb to your bottom lip and poking it curiously. It was soft. Ridiculously soft.

Your arms were longer, ropier, and veiny. You shed the tank top that had become entirely too tight on you and tossed it to the floor, revealing your upper body. Your breath caught in your throat, not just at the lack of boob but at the broad chest there to replace it. Your shoulders were wide, maybe even as wide as Steve’s, tapering to a much narrower waist and slim hips. Your eyes found so many muscles you’d never seen before, let alone you’d known existed. What your chest lacked in fat it made up for in sinew; you wondered whether you would fill up your bra just as nicely in this body. You poked one of your pectorals. Again. Again. You brushed a hand along your stomach, a full six pack that would have left you breathless had it been on another person. Jesus, your own abs left you breathless. They were hard as stone.

You pivoted, admiring your build from the side. At this new angle, you saw that while your thighs too had lost a considerable amount of fat, the thickness was still there, leading up to an ass that you were sure Kai would have no problem bouncing a quarter off of later. You squeezed it. Firm, yet supple, much like your new pecs. You wiggled your hips; your ass jiggled with you, but barely. You sulked slightly. You turned back to face the mirror, taking a deep breath as your gaze traveled the length of your frame. It paused at the sight of your hipbones trailing into your waistband in a neat _V_. On impulse, your hands twitched towards your hips—then paused. You weren’t sure if you were ready to see what was waiting there, and from the looks of the dickprint in your pajama pants, it was sure to be an impressive sight. Still, you weren’t going to wear tight lacy underwear with this new body. You needed to change.

You exited the bathroom and slid down your pants and lacy undergarment in one go. You avoided the sight of your new appendage with every ounce of willpower in your body as you shimmied into a pair of Captain America boxers (gifted to you by Kai last Christmas) from your underwear drawer. You stood up straight, sighing with relief at the newfound comfort. You could _breathe_. All of you could breathe. You rummaged through your dresser for the loosest clothes you could find, settling on an oversized Henley and the baggiest pair of sweatpants you owned. As you tugged the Henley over your head you realized that it was Bucky’s, a burgundy one which you repeatedly stole from his laundry pile. It was too damn comfy to be worn by just one person and smelled of cedar, gunpowder, and warming spices, just like the man himself. While it was still fairly loose around your arms—Bucky was built like a brick house, after all—it was stretched firmly across your chest and shoulders. You gave yourself a onceover in the mirror, pushing your hair back from your forehead. When it refused to stay put, you grabbed a hair tie and pulled it back into a ponytail. It showed off the handsome contours of your face, making you pause for a longer look in the mirror.

When you got to the door of your bedroom, your hand stalled at the door knob. Perhaps you should text Kai beforehand and let them know what had happened. Were you going to tell anyone at all? What was your game plan? What was your story?

You took a deep breath and exited the room, padding down the hallway en route for the kitchen. The elevator ride down was agonizing. You hopped from foot to foot, more jittery than you had ever been in your life, drumming your fingers against your thighs sporadically. The doors finally opened, and you strode forward with unexpected confidence in your step. Maybe no one was in the kitchen today. Maybe everyone was out for a morning jog. Maybe everyone—

Was in the kitchen. All of them. At once. Staring at you as soon as you entered the room.

No one spoke. You forced a tight smile and headed for the fridge, feeling everyone’s eyes on you. You opened the freezer and found your box of Eggo waffles. Your hand shook slightly as you opened the package, stuffing three waffles into the toaster. As you returned the package to its rightful place, you heard Tony speak up behind you.

“Who the hell are you?”

You jumped, startled, slamming the freezer door shut. You spun around, slumped against the fridge, and grinned nervously at Tony. “I’m, uh, Alvin. Friends call me Al.”

Tony arched an eyebrow. You made the mistake of letting your gaze sweep the room, getting a head count. There was Steve, sitting at the dining table, outright glaring at you. You hoped to never be on the receiving end of that glare again. To his left was Bucky, who also wore an intense stare but… with a different kind of intensity. He was giving you a onceover, the one that you’d heard made anyone weak at the knees. You’d scoffed at that description at first; now, you understood. You looked away quickly, finding that not quite the whole team was present: just Sam, Bruce, Natasha, and Kai. Kai, who was turning red and appeared to be recovering from choking on their coffee. You tried to catch their eye, but they were too busy coughing to death.

“So, Alvin, no offense, but why are you here?” Tony probed, eyeing you with an almost bored expression.

“I, uhh…” You fiddled with the hem of your Henley—of _Bucky’s_ Henley, and Bucky seemed to have noticed. His onceover was starting to make you feel naked. Feeling yourself begin to heat up to an indecent temperature, you went with the first backstory that came to mind. “I may have, uh… slept over… with Ash… last night.” You swallowed, waiting to gauge the group’s reaction.

Tony’s eyebrows shot toward his hairline. You saw Steve’s jaw clench, and Bucky remained unfazed, still looking you over like a piece of meat. You had finally gained Kai’s attention; the flicker of recognition in their eyes was the most gratifying thing you’d seen all day. “Really now?” Tony scoffed. “So you managed to bed the hothead herself, in my tower, without me or any of us noticing?” His gaze traversed your outfit quickly. “I’m impressed.”

You laughed nervously. It was a cute laugh, you decided. “I had a little help.” You widened your eyes at Kai pointedly.

“From whom?” Tony’s eyes narrowed again.

“Me.” Everyone’s head swiveled to look at Kai. You sent them thousands of mental “thank you’s.” Kai only watched you warily, speaking with careful precision. “I introduced the two, actually. Al’s heatproof. Figured he and Ash would be a good match.”

Tony nodded slowly. “And where is our flame-ridden friend, anyway?”

You were about to open your mouth and say, “Still asleep,” when Kai spoke for you: “Out of town. Texted me this morning saying she was going to take a mental health day. Or weekend. Didn’t want to worry any of you guys. Sorry, Alvin.”

“So she left without telling any of us?” Steve finally spoke up. You winced at the irritation in his voice. He was your closest friend next to Kai; you knew it hurt him that you wouldn’t open up to him about your anxieties.

Kai sent him a thin-lipped smile. “She said she didn’t want to burden you all. Don’t worry about it. She should be back in a couple days.” They looked at you to continue, but Tony was next to speak.

“Yikes,” Tony quipped, sipping from his coffee. “Don’t worry, Al, I’ve seen my fair share of walks of shame, though I’m usually not on your end, so I apologize.” He reached over and patted you on the shoulder. “I’m sure you gave her a good time, son. Bet she didn’t have to hold back at all, since you’re fireproof. From the looks of you, I don’t think it’s your looks that made her run.”

You laughed again, this time for too long. You realized you’d missed the sound of your waffles popping up from the toaster. You hurriedly turned to collect them, dousing them with syrup. “Well, I can only hope, I guess, haha.” You realized with regret that you shouldn’t have known where the syrup should be. Or even the waffles. “Listen, I, uh… I don’t have any cab fare and I live quite some distance away. Is it alright if I, uh, stay here? Just until I can call one of my buddies to pick me up.” Great. Now you had made yourself out to be a poor, deadbeat frat boy.

Tony shrugged. “By all means, make yourself at home.”

“You can stay with me, Al,” Kai piped up, smirking at you. “We have some catching up to do.”

You nodded, settling at the kitchen island next to Sam. You acknowledged him with a nod, which he returned, before digging in to your food. Sam was a good friend and an even better listener, so you wanted nothing more than to throw yourself into his arms and explain everything that had happened, but for now, a nod would have to do.

“Heatproof, huh?” said Tony. You groaned inwardly, hoping he wouldn’t grill you any further. “You pyrokinetic like Ash? I’d like to be prepared in case you burst into flames in my kitchen.”

“N-No!” you exclaimed around a mouthful of waffle. “I just, uh… I only got the heat powers, not the flame.”

Tony nodded thoughtfully, his lips quirking into a lecherous grin. “So just how hot was her pu—”

“Stark, that’s enough,” Steve growled. He had made his way from the table and to the sink, where he started rinsing off his plate. “Shouldn’t talk about her that way. Or anyone for that matter.”

Tony cringed dramatically. “Might wanna watch him, Al,” he warned you. “Ash is a bit of a sensitive subject for him. I’m sure you bedding her isn’t making your first impression any better. You’ll be fine; he’s forgiving.”

Steve slammed his plate into the drying rack, making you jump in your seat. He turned to face you, crossing his arms over his chest. You tried not to pay attention to just how tightly the sweater he swore was stretched over his frame. Simultaneously, you wondered what Tony had meant about you being a sensitive subject. “So just how long have you known Ash, anyway?” Steve said coolly. The piercing glare in his eyes was terrifying. “Don’t remember her mentioning having a fella before.”

You gulped down another mouthful of waffle. “Well, I hadn’t actually met her until last night. Kai spoke well of her and set us up on a date.” You pushed your food around your plate. “I guess it went well if we, uh…” The look of fury on Steve’s face silenced you. You cleared your throat. “Never mind,” you mumbled. He looked like he could kill you—or Alvin, whoever you were—and regret nothing. Bucky, however, had risen from his seat at the table, purposefully brushing past you as he moved, and was rinsing his plate off next to Steve, sending you glances over his shoulder. You rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. “Big fan of all of you guys, by the way. Always wanted to meet you. E-Especially you, Captain Rogers, sir.” You peeked up at him hopefully.

Steve appeared unamused. You were feeling more and more vulnerable beneath his stare, almost as much as you did under Bucky’s. Did the metal-armed man have any shame at all? “What do you do, Alvin?” Steve questioned you.

“A-As in work?” Steve nodded. “I’m a firefighter, actually. Thought if I’m going to be heatproof, could at least put my abilities to good use.”

“That explains the muscles,” you heard Kai mutter behind you. They sidled up next to you at the island, studying you, grinning smugly between sips of coffee. _You are so explaining this to me later_ , they telepathed cheekily.

 _Like I wasn’t going to before_ , you sent back, mentally rolling your eyes. _Just play along, OK? You’re doing great. How’d you know it was me anyway?_

_I’d know those eyes anywhere, hon. Let Steve get a closer look at them and I’m sure he would, too._

“So you’re like us, then!” Sam said, patting your shoulder, almost making you choke. “Saving civilians, helping the community. No wonder Ash enjoyed your company. She know what you do?”

“Yeah, I told her when we were out at dinner,” you replied, hoping to imply that you at least went out on a proper date before even laying a finger on… well, yourself. This role was shockingly easy to fall into, you noticed. “She seemed interested. I offered to show her the station sometime.”

“Take us with you,” said Tony. _Shit_. “Would love to see you all in action. From the way Barnes is giving you bedroom eyes from the sink, I’d say he would love that, too.”

Bucky opened his mouth to defend himself, spluttering some excuse, but Tony cut him off. “I noticed, Frosty. You’re not exactly subtle.” Bucky shut his mouth and turned back to the dishes, winking at you.

You shuddered inwardly. _Mind telling me why your fuck buddy is checking me out so openly?_ you asked Kai. _I feel naked. Am I naked? Have I been naked this whole time?_

Kai bumped you with their hip. _He’s just getting to know you, hon. Besides, that body is the hottest one both I and Bucky have ever seen in my life. Cut us some slack. We need recovery time._ They placed their coffee mug on the counter. “Al, could I talk to you alone for a moment?” The smile they flashed you was disgustingly sweet.

You flashed them an equally saccharine grin. “Sure thing,” you said stiffly, rising from your seat and shuffling after them around the corner and into the hallway, well out of earshot. You stood a few feet away and gestured to yourself. “Well?”

“Who did you kill to get that?” Kai hissed without missing a beat.

“Excuse me?”

“People do not just turn into a magical boy overnight.” They paused to appraise you for the umpteenth time that morning. “I mean, _c’mon!”_ they groaned exasperatedly. “You look like a god!”

You straightened your back with faux confidence. “Why, thank you, dearest. How the hell should I know? I just woke up… like this.” Your eyes narrowed accusingly “Is this an illusion? Did you do this?”

Kai held up their hands submissively. “Not me, babu. As far as I can tell, this is real. Not a hologram. Not a hallucination. I’m not making any of this. I don’t think Wanda is either.” They palmed their face in exhaustion. “If she did, I’ll never forgive her. Or should I thank her? Either works.” They paused in their self-reflection, eyeing you curiously. “So… did this happen to _all_ of you? As in, _every_ part of you?”

You frowned. “Be more specific.”

“Well, your pants are loose so it’s not like I can tell right off the bat. Is there a new friend for me to know about? A little Alvin, perhaps?”

“Kai!”

“OK, maybe not so little Alvin. Why ‘Alvin’, by the way? Like the chipmunk?”

“I can’t look at it, Kai.”

“I can.”

_“Don’t you dare!”_

“Well, I mean, if you’re too embarrassed to take a peek, I don’t mind telling you how it looks.”

“You… You haven’t even seen my _actual_ genitalia, Kai.”

“I haven’t? Right , I ‘haven’t.’” You were about to question them on their hesitation when they continued, “At least let me make sure you got all the goods. All the eggs in your basket, so to speak.”

“You think whoever did this is sadistic enough to leave me ball-less? How cruel.”

“Better safe than sorry. C’mere.”

You shuffled apprehensively. “I dunno, Kai, it’s kinda… _weird_ , don’t you think?”

“Weirder than turning into a magical boy? _Sure_. Babu, you’re my best friend, and this isn’t even the real you. After all I’ve done for you, the least you owe me is a peek at this hot piece of ass.” They flashed you a pathetic attempt of your own puppy dog eyes. “Pretty please?”

You rolled your eyes and dropped your pants and boxers at once, keeping your eyes on Kai’s face.

They whistled, long and low, eyeing you like a randy old man. “Jesus.” You felt your cheeks heat up dangerously. “Is it even hard? You could poke an eye out with that thing.”

“Keep your voice _down_!” you hissed, your hands clenched into fists at your sides. “And no, I’m not hard. Not at all, actually. Well…” You paused, looking away pensively. “I don’t think so. What would it even feel like?”

“Shall we find out?”

_“NO.”_

“Oh, c’mon, when are you ever—”

“I am not letting you jerk me off in the hallway.”

Again, Kai held up their hands. “Wasn’t going to. I was going to suggest Steve do it.”

 _“I will END you!”_ Your hair was starting to smoke. Kai hopped back a safe distance away.

“Calm down, babu, I’m not doing anything. I’m joking. Although I wonder if Steve could handle this thing either.” They surveyed you, biting the inside of their cheek. “What are you, like, five-eleven? You’re taller than me. Fuck you, you tower of a man, you.”

For the first time that morning, you grinned with genuine humor. “You wish you could.”

“Do not tempt me.” Their gaze dropped down to your new parts. You didn’t miss the outright appreciation in those eyes. “You might wanna pull your pants up before—”

“Is there something Ash should know about, Malakai?”

You spun around thoughtlessly, your lower body out for Tony to see. You bent over and yanked your pants back up, scrabbling against the wall, stammering an explanation while attempting to hold back your flames. Kai swooped in like a sinful vulture and saved the day: “If I’m going to consider a threesome, Tony, I’m going to get a look at the goods. Can you blame me?”

“Can’t say I do. Carry on.” He continued down the hallway, whistling an unfamiliar tune, unfazed. Just what had this man witnessed that made this incident pale in comparison?

You doubled over, grabbing your knees for support, trying to slow your breathing. “Thanks for that,” you muttered, then realization hit. “Wait, if it’s a threesome then who—”

“Oh, like you didn’t notice Bucky eyefucking you over the counter. I swear to god, I’ve been on the receiving end of that stare, so I know it when I see it. Not to mention what went on through his head when he saw you. It was downright filthy. He wants you. Or at least, he wants _Al_.”

You sighed, standing up and leaning against the wall, letting your head hit it painfully. “And did you happen to get a look at Steve, by chance?” you groaned, letting your curiosity get the better of you.

“Steve had some thoughts of his own, not what I think you were hoping for. I got mostly images of him slamming you against the floor like a ragdoll, and some words, too. ‘Hatred’ and ‘murder’ were among them.” Kai stretched, arching their back until it popped. “You might want to avoid him. It was like you killed every puppy in the universe and destroyed democracy. Maybe even took a shit on the White House lawn. Whatever you did, it’s enough to make him wanna beat you. Steer clear. Let’s go work out.”

You nodded. “Sounds like a plan. I gotta clean up my breakfast though.”

“Alright, just give me a second,” they muttered, sounding pained.

“Why?”

“I need to prepare myself for the wave of filth I’m about to receive from Bucky once you enter the room. It does things to you.” They stared blankly ahead. “Terrible things.” A full five seconds passed before they finally looked back at you. “Anyway, let’s go. I’ll get you some clothes. I’m sure Bucky’s willing to share more than just his Henley. That”—they gestured toward the shirt—“was a mistake, by the way. He practically owns you now.”

You pouted. “I’d prefer that Steve own me.”

Kai reached up and patted your head sympathetically. “I know, babu. Who knows! Maybe his anger will subside when you take off that Henley and his repressed bisexuality will make an appearance. Come along.”

You groaned but allowed Kai to pull you back to the kitchen where Bucky’s panty-dropping stare and Steve’s murderous scowl were waiting for you. It was going to be a long day.


	2. The Gym

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash, a.k.a. Al, goes to the gym to blow off some steam. The tension between "Al" and Bucky increases, as well as the tension between "Al" and Steve.

_“Ah. Ah.”_ Grunts filled the air. You were starting to feel uncomfortable.

“Keep going, baby, you’re doing great, you’re doing it, baby. Don’t stop.”

Correction: You were already very uncomfortable. You tried to focus on the punching bag in front of you and not on the very filthy noises coming from your left.

“ _Ugh_ , baby, I’m not sure I can last much longer.”

“C’mon, Buck, you’re almost there, you got this. You feel that?”

“Oh, I’m feeling it, sugar, I’m feeling it. _Ah!”_

“Yes!”

“Fuck!”

“Jesus Christ, would you _quit it?”_ you shouted, spinning around to face the shameless pair. You were sure that if you could see yourself, flames would be in your eyes.

“I’m sorry, _Alvin_ , are we interrupting your workout?” Kai asked innocently, batting their eyelashes at you.

“Yeah, sorry, Al,” Bucky added. Together, he and Kai placed the dumbbell on the rack, and he sat up, smirking at you. “Had no idea those sounds affected you so much.”

You frowned. “How could they not? It’s like you two are having sex twenty feet away from me.”

“And is that so bad, Al?” Kai purred. “You look a little tense, and as much as we love seeing you beat that punching bag to a pulp, I think you need to relax. How about some sparring? You like to spar don’t you, Bucky?” They looked down at him pointedly.

Bucky didn’t look away from you as he answered, “Most definitely. Could use a new partner every now and then.” He stood, taking a towel which Kai offered to him and wiping it over his sweaty face. “Whaddya say, Al? Mind going a few rounds?”

Your eyes flitted to Kai, who was watching the exchange with a catlike grin. You swallowed and stilled the punching bag with your fist, sighing in defeat. You knew wrestling could help you blow off some steam. “Sure, why not? Been a while since I got to actually fight somebody.”

Kai’s grin grew even wider, if possible, and Bucky’s entire face lit up. You looked away, heading over to a bench to unwrap the bandages from your hands. You would let Steve unhook the punching bag later, since he usually came in to train during this hour. He was the only one strong enough to move the bag after all, besides Bucky. Kai had loaned you some workout clothes in the meantime: a teal muscle tee and loose, knee-length workout pants. You sat on the bench to remove your shoes. “Any guidelines before we start?” you called out.

Bucky shook his head, slipping out of his own shoes and socks. “Just you, me, and the mat, pal. That sound good to you?”

You stood up, now barefoot. “Fine by me. Who am I taking on first? Two on one?”

Again, Bucky shook his head, cocking a finger for you to come closer. “Me first, sweetheart. You can have your fun with Kai later. We still need to get to know each other.”

You gulped. You weren’t sure what prospect was more frightening: taking on both Kai and Bucky while avoiding their combined sexual advances, or having to wrestle Bucky, one-on-one, while he “got to know” your new body. This whole prospect, while unnerving, was hilarious. When you were yourself, Bucky was a big brother to you, a protective sibling who watched your back out in the field (at Steve’s request) and shuddered to think of you in any impure manner. He called you “kid,” sometimes “doll” to make you laugh, but hearing him address you with flirty epithets like “sweetheart” was making you squirm. If he only knew that “Al” was you all along…

“Alright.” You took your position on the mat across from Bucky, shifting into the best fighting stance you could muster. Quickly, you changed your position, making it sloppier, looser. You held your fists at a further distance, slid your foot farther in front of you. You didn’t want to look too much like your true self; you had sparred with Bucky dozens of time, to the point where he would recognize your style anywhere. “Let’s begin.”

Both you and Bucky were aggressive fighters, both usually assuming the position of attacker, so sparring matches were a fun game of seeing who could and would land the first hit. You circled each other, eyes watching the other’s every move. You decided you would let Bucky attack first, to stay “in character,” and he did, lunging forward with a right hook that sent you spiraling to the floor.

While you groaned in pain on the ground, you wondered briefly if you had _let_ Bucky make contact, or if his right hook really had caught you by surprise.

 _Yikes_ , Kai sent to you.

 _Yikes is right_ , you grumbled back. _If he wants me so bad why is he messing up my pretty face?_

_Point taken. I’ll remind him of his priorities._

“You alright there, pal?” Bucky stepped forward, holding a hand out to you with a genuine look of concern. You nodded, accepting his hand and letting him haul you up to your feet—and right up against him. “Hope I didn’t hit you too hard. Better that than this hand, right?” He held up his metal fist.

“Oh, yeah, much better.” You probed your jaw experimentally. It was tender, but didn’t throb too much. You could see straight, and so you would go on. “I’ve felt worse.”

Bucky arched a brow skeptically. “Oh? Well, let’s continue.” He slid easily into a defensive stance, coiled like an animal preparing to strike. “Your move, pal.”

You skipped assuming your stance and thrust your leg forward, aiming a kick to his chest. Bucky caught your leg and reeled you forward. You launched yourself at him, pushing off of your other foot and wrapping that leg around his neck, bringing Bucky to the ground with you. In your regular body, the move worked like a charm, and you typically landed with your thighs around your opponent’s neck, squeezing them into submission. Now, however, your body was heavier than usual, and so when Bucky hit the mat, you slammed to the floor next to him, your leg thrown haphazardly over his chest. He rolled onto his stomach and rose to his hands and knees.

“Gotta say, Al,” he grunted, rising to his feet, “wasn’t expecting that. You learn that from your new fiery lady friend?”

You laughed uneasily. “Thought I could pull it off but I guess I’m just not as nimble as she is,” you replied, hearing Kai chuckle behind you.

“I don’t blame ya.” Bucky swung at you again; you managed to dodge it this time. “She makes it look so easy.”

The two of you kicked and punched until Bucky finally pinned you facedown to the mat, his knees on either side of your hips and your arms twisted behind your back. You were painfully aware of his crotch against your butt, and you hoped that what you felt poking you there was a knee or an elbow, anything but what you _knew_ it was.

Bucky leaned forward. You squirmed; he was heavy. “But lemme tell you something, sweetheart,” he murmured, his lips brushing your ear, “everything’s harder than it looks.”

You blushed so hard that you wouldn’t have been shocked if you ignited right there. _If there is a God_ , you thought to yourself, _he hates me._

 _Babu, if there is a God, he loves me more than anyone else in the world,_ Kai sent you. _What did I do to deserve this?_ You sent them an image of thousands of upturned middle fingers. _Oh, please, you’d say the same thing if you were where I’m standing._

You felt Bucky smile against your cheek before sitting back and getting off of you. You rolled onto your back and lay on the mat for a few seconds, frowning. Again, Bucky’s hand was held out to you invitingly, his eyes glinting like a hawk’s. You weighed your options: accept Bucky’s proffered hand and allow him to pull you up, no doubt flush against him again, or roll off into the sunset.

_Just take his hand, Ash._

_I don’t know where that hand has been._

_I can think of a few places. Nothing horrible. Nothing you haven’t seen._

_O.K., thanks for the image._ You rocked forward on your heels and stood on your own, clapping a hand to Bucky’s back in what you hope resembled a bro pat. “Nice job, Buck,” you said breathlessly. Just standing up had been a tiring act for you. “I think that’s enough for today.”

“Aw, at least watch us spar!” Kai piped up from behind you. Your eye twitched involuntarily. You turned around to face them. Sure enough, they were grinning innocently.

“Alright,” you hissed through a strained smile. “Have at it.” You hobbled over to the bench and sat down, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your knees. Kai stepped onto the mat, while Bucky sized them up. After a few seconds of circling, Kai struck like a snake, lashing out at Bucky with three sharp blows. You could see how difficult it was for Bucky to block them; when Kai struck, they struck fast, and they struck hard. You’d been on the receiving end of those hits enough times to know better than to let them strike first.

While you watched Kai dodge and Bucky’s blows get heavier with frustration, you heard footsteps behind you from the gym entrance. You turned to see who it was, and your cheeks warmed.

“Oh, hey, Steve-o!” Bucky called to his best friend from the mat. You looked back to see Kai had wrangled the much larger Bucky into a compromising position with one of their thighs wrapped around his neck. “Come to join in the fun?”

Steve laughed harshly, heading straight for the punching bag you had left up. “I think I’ll work out alone today, thanks.” You didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered to you when he spoke. You were used to warm looks from Steve, reassuring glances that made your whole body tingle. Now, you saw nothing but cold, unadulterated hate. You worried your bottom lip between your teeth, sneaking glances at him as he first wrapped up his fists and went to town on the sandbag.

You loved watching Steve. It was mesmerizing, the way his muscles shifted beneath his shirt, his fists pounding the sandbag mercilessly. He grunted with every punch, his whole body rippling with each strike, sweat dripping down his sideburns, his brow furrowed with concentration—or frustration? Either way, you were enjoying the view.

“Al.”

You whipped around so fast you almost fell off the bench. You hadn’t noticed your mouth hanging open, but you shut it now, looking up at Kai with flushed cheeks. “Yeah?” _How long was I watching him?_

 _A good fifteen minutes, I think. At least, that’s how long Bucky and I sparred._ “We’re heading to the showers. Care to join us?” They leered down at you.

You stood, almost falling forward from the headrush. “I’ll shower in my—in Ash’s room. I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“Hey, Al, before you go, could I talk to you for a minute?”

You froze, your back straightening at the authoritative voice behind you. Steve was using his captain voice, and when you turned to look at him, he was taking his captain stance. “Of course,” you replied.

 _Good luck,_ Kai messaged. _He looks murderous._

 _Bye, Satan._ You walked over to Steve, rolling your back and shoulders as you moved. You were sure to be sore tomorrow. “What’s up? I mean, how we doing? What… is it that you called me over here for?” You weren’t sure how formal to act around him, but with the way Steve was scowling at you, you thought acting professional was your best route, and you were doing terribly. You tried assuming a casual stance; you were unsuccessful, and Kai laughed, exiting with Bucky in tow.

Steve thrust a hand out to stop the punching bag from swaying. Such a simple action was possibly the hottest thing you’d seen all day, at least from Steve. He started unwrapping his fists, and you nearly gasped when you saw a smile touch his lips. “You and Ash are both adults,” he began. “Responsible ones at that.” He stuffed the bandages into his pockets and took a step closer to you, his smile vanishing. “But let me warn you now, son,” he said, his voice calm and steely, “you hurt her, make her feel bad, anything remotely upsetting”—he took another step forward, so close that you were sure he could hear your heart hammering against your ribcage—“you’ll be answering to me.” He leaned down so you were eye to eye; you swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. “It will not be pleasant.”

You were breathing hard, your hands shaking at your sides with fear. You’d seen Steve tell off goons before. Hell, most of the time those threats he’d delivered had been a result of them harassing you. Now, you were both the person he was protecting and the person he was threatening, and it confused the hell out of you. You weren’t sure whether to be appreciative or frightened or aroused. Either way, you had to say _something_. “I understand, Captain Rogers, sir,” you exhaled, your voice quivering. “I-I assure you I had no intentions of—”

“Save it,” he cut you off, his eyes narrowing. “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He appraised you once more before turning to leave, unhooking the punching bag from the ceiling and dragging it off to the row of sandbags in the corner. He left without another word.

You stood there for maybe five minutes, mulling over what Steve had said. His words sank in, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding in the first place. Steve was threatening someone—well, threatening you—for you. When had he become so protective? The thought of him being willing to punch the daylights out of a guy for you made you feel warm and giddy inside, but you did _not_ want to be that guy.

You grabbed your shoes and hurried out of there, hoping to calm your nerves with a shower. You were definitely relaying this message to Kai later.


	3. The Culprit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Al" and Kai enjoy some Chinese takeout. They find out what (or who) is responsible for this mess.

“I’d say it’s a good sign,” Kai told you when you finished recounting your conversation with Steve.

“How?” you called from the bathroom, wrestling your hair into a ponytail. You stood in front of the mirror, wearing a pair of clean sweatpants. It felt weirdly liberating to be shirtless around another person, though you felt that Kai was enjoying it more than you were. “He looked ready to kill me. Is he going to? Is Captain America going to kill me in this fine ass body?”

Kai shrugged, leaning forward to get a better look at you. “He might. I won’t let that happen. Neither will Bucky. You’re too pretty to die.” They licked their lips absently. “Don’t bother with a shirt, Al. If you’re going to have G-rated nipples for the time being, make good use of them.”

You chuffed in agreement. “Won’t I look like a douche, though? Flaunting around a bunch of superheroes? They might think I’m exerting my dominance.”

“Are you not?”

“…Fair point, but I’m going with the shirt. Hand it over. I know you have it.”

“I would do no such thing.”

“Malakai.”

They tossed the shirt your way with a sigh of resignation, having had it balled up in their lap in hopes of hiding it from you. They watched as you caught the muscle shirt and quickly slipped into it. It hugged every dip and curve of your muscular upper half, leaving a strip of bare skin just above the elastic waistband of your sweats and showing off your well-built deltoids nicely. Kai sighed. “I never thought I’d envy a piece of fucking spandex,” they mumbled under their breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, sweetums. Let’s get lunch.”

The two of you settled on Chinese takeout, eating at the kitchen island in a comfortable silence. From where you were sitting, the two of you had a clear view of the living room, where Thor and a certain wily Asgardian were sitting on the couch, watching television. Your eyes narrowed at the sight of Loki. The man had always given you chills, with his creepy green eyes and creepy pale face and creepy accent. Sure, Thor spoke the same way, but he was much less creepy than his homicidal brother.

Thor let out a booming laugh, clapping Loki loudly on the back and nearly pushing the man off the couch with the force of his hand. “Is Midgardian entertainment not the most delightful thing you’ve ever seen, brother?” he bellowed, his impossibly wide shoulders still shaking with laughter.

“Brother, I would much rather impale myself on my own scepter,” Loki deadpanned.

“I got something else you can impale yourself on,” Kai mumbled through a mouthful of dumpling. You snorted, almost choking on your chow mein.

“Pardon?” Loki turned his head to the kitchen. When he saw you and Kai, his face contorted into that god-awful smile of his, the one that screamed, _Run away while you still can._ “Ah, Malakai. Who is this?” He rose to his feet, heading toward you.

You glared at him, every muscle urging you to bolt. The twinkle in his eyes was way too suspicious. “Alvin,” you told him gruffly, shoveling more noodles into your mouth. “Nice to meet ya.”

 _Shit_ , Kai said in your head. You looked over at Kai querulously, but Loki spoke before you could question them.

“My, my,” Loki purred, circling you like a hawk. “This is better than I ever could have hoped for.”

“Excuse me?”

“What the fuck, Loki?” Kai said suddenly, slamming their takeout container to the counter. “Thank you for the gift, but what the fuck, man?”

Loki remained unperturbed by Kai’s outburst. “I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about, Spectre,” he crooned, smirking.

You sat there in confusion while Kai continued: “First, do not ever call me that again. That name is reserved for the workplace. I am at lunch. Second, explain. Why do this? What can you possibly gain from this?”

You shook your head and ate some more chow mein. You wondered if Loki could relate to your current situation, since he so often took on a female form.

Wait a minute.

 _“It was you!”_ you shouted, except the food in your mouth warped your words beyond recognition. You swallowed. “It was you!” you said more clearly, pointing an accusatory finger at him. You were sure your eyes were flaming by this point. “You did this to me!”

Loki arched an eyebrow. “You should be thanking me, Inferno. I do this all for you, and you repay me with harsh words and a rude gesture.”

“It’s fucking _pointing!”_

“And pointing is rude on this planet, is it not?”

You seethed, knowing he was right. You were hating this man more and more by the second. You reached over with a red-hot hand and yanked him forward by the collar until the two of you were eye to eye. His expression remained calm and collected as ever. “Why?” you hissed. “Why did you do this?”

“Why not? It is a much better body than I had previously imagined.” His pale lips twisted into a grin. “Perhaps I let my fantasies get the better of me. It suits you, does it not?”

“I prefer my true self, thank you very much,” you grumbled. His stare was even worse than Bucky’s. “Cut the crap before I burn that grin right off your face.”

Loki sighed. “Very well. Release me and I’ll tell you all you need to know.”

“Not a chance. I don’t need you slithering away like the snake you are.”

He winced exaggeratedly. “Ouch,” he hissed in mock hurt. “Alright. I thought it might be a fun idea to change you to this form and see what you might do. And more importantly, what our dear Captain Rogers might do.”

Your jaw ticked at the mention of Steve’s name. Kai was watching the exchange with wide eyes, cheeks stuffed full of dumpling. “What does he have to do with this?” you ground out through gritted teeth.

“Oh, do not play dumb with me, Inferno. I know you, and I know him. I may not be around much, but I know that the tension between you two is palpable, and unbearable. Who knows how long this could have gone had I not intervened?”

You blushed. “And by ‘this’ you mean—?”

Loki chuckled. “You two obviously admire each other. I’m simply giving you two the push you need to consummate your feelings.”

Your hair began to crackle with flame. “I am _not_ having sex with him in this bo—”

Loki held up his hands in surrender. “Oh, no, I didn’t intend for that at all, though I’m sure the both of you would enjoy it immensely. I simply want you two to confess.”

You frowned, your hair extinguishing as you calmed down. “How is me being ‘Alvin’ supposed to make Steve want to confess?”

“Well, you never asked me how to change back, Inferno. Wouldn’t you like to know the whole story?”

“Get to the point, demon. How do I get out of this thing?”

“He’s not a _thing_ , Ash, he is a beauty. Treat him with respect.”

“Kai, I swear to _God_ —” They went back to eating their dumplings. You turned back to Loki. “How do I revert back to normal?”

Loki cocked his head to the side. “If you’re so tired of this body, why don’t you kiss the one who wants it more than anybody else does?”

Your heart dropped to your stomach. You let go of Loki’s collar, blood roaring in your ears. Loki straightened to his full height and retreated back to the living room, cackling cryptically. You saw that he had left a mirage of himself sitting next to Thor. He held a finger to his lips, urging you to keep hush as he sat down, effectively merging with the hologram.

You were clutching the counter in both hands, seething silently, nostrils flared. Kai was watching warily, not knowing whether or not to poke around and talk to you in your mind. The smell of burning marble jerked you out of your rage, and you released the counter, taking a moment to cool down. You cleared your throat, stabbing your chow mein with your chopsticks. “Did he say what I think he said?” you muttered darkly.

Kai nodded. “You gotta kiss someone. Probably me. Pucker up.”

“No, it’s not you, Kai. I’m not just saying that because you’re my friend, I promise.” Your frown deepened into a look of absolute revulsion. Kai liked your new body, sure, probably wanted to ravish the hell out of it, but Loki didn’t mean Kai. You sighed deeply, turning your haunted eyes to Kai.

“I gotta kiss Bucky.”


	4. The Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Al" has a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW AN UPDATE FINALLY! i'm so sorry this took so long to put out. we're almost done! whoo! let me know what you think in the comments :)

Dinner was awkward.

Thor and Loki had neglected to stay, halfway offending Wanda and the Vision, who were in charge of cooking the meal for the evening. Tonight, they had decided on hasselback chicken, a meal which you had never eaten but of which Kai spoke highly. Kai insisted on a full pull-apart dinner, and so the pair had paired the entree with blooming baked potatoes, plus all the fixings. You figured that with such a promising dinner, the evening would go smoothly.

Oh, how wrong you were.

You sat between Kai and Wanda. Before dinner, Wanda had confronted you about your current situation, having seen into your mind the moment she stepped into the room, and Kai had explained everything. Now, Wanda was playing along with your act, knowing how weird it must be for you.

Directly across from you was Bucky, and to his right, Steve. Bucky was sending you lascivious stares from across the table, which was nothing new, but whenever you made eye contact with him, it was clear he was imagining you in much less clothing, in a much different setting. The dark haze of lust in his eyes was evidence enough—as well as the fact that his foot was placed on your chair, right between your knees. You scooted your chair back a few inches, ensuring that his foot was nowhere near your hypersensitive crotch. Since waking up that morning you had discovered that the mere prison of pants was constricting enough. You did not want pressure from Bucky’s heel making things worse.

Steve was focused on his meal and making conversation with Sam, who sat to his right. He had managed not to glare at you for the first half of the meal—until Sam began to include you in conversation, being the kind man he was. He was too good for this world, you decided, as you smiled awkwardly and tried to answer Sam. You at first kept your answers brief, but Sam was evidently interested in you, enough to subtly get you to elaborate your responses. You appreciated the gesture, but not the glares Steve was sending your way.

The meal was good. The chicken was juicy and flavorful, and the spinach-ricotta filling was better than you could have hoped for. The baked potato stole your heart, perfectly sliced for optimal eating and lavished with your ideal amount of sour cream, green onion, cheese, and bacon bits. “This is delicious, Wanda,” you said, swallowing a mouthful of chicken. “You’ll have to link the recipe to me.”

“Would you like me to recite it to you, Alvin?” Vision offered. “I have it memorized perfectly if you’d like.”

“No! That’s fine. Thank you.” You caught Steve’s eye and cringed, looking down at your plate. _Can you get him to stop making murder eyes at me?_ you pushed to Kai.

_I’d say he’s entitled to his murder eyes, babu._

_God damn you._

“So, Al.” You looked up at the sound of Sam’s voice. “Time for the moment of truth. Which of us is your favorite? Not counting Ash, of course. Or Kai, for that matter.”

“Oh! Uh—”

“Sam, don’t put him on the spot like that,” Natasha chided, turning her gaze to you. She was smirking at you. “You know it’s me, anyway.”

You laughed nervously. “That’s not entirely untrue, ha-ha. I’m a huge fan of your, uh, work. The way you throw men around like ragdolls is amazing.”

Natasha’s eyes went wide, and then she did something you’d never seen before. She blushed, her cheeks turning unmistakably rosy as she looked away. “That’s nice of you to say,” she said quietly.

Tony flashed you an impressed look. Clint looked stupefied, blinking at you in shock. Steve looked annoyed. You wondered if the fork in his hand was going to bend with how white his knuckles were.

“Aw, Al, what about me? I thought we had something going.” There it was: Bucky’s foot nudging the inside of your knee.

Stifling a yelp, you crossed your legs, and his foot dropped away. “Oh, I like you too. As a superhero, I mean. All of you. I can’t pick a favorite. You all have your perks. From what I’ve seen on television, you’re all spectacular, in your own…superhero way.”

“How sweet,” said Wanda, leaning over with her elbows on the table and giving you a look that said, _I know who you are, but even if I were able to help, I’m enjoying myself too much to do anything about it._ She could be devious, sometimes.

You were quiet for the rest of dinner, only speaking up when Sam addressed you. Once everyone had finished and leftovers were put away, you volunteered to clean up, wanting to at least be a polite “guest” in your own home.

It was just your luck that Bucky volunteered to help.

 _Good luck, babu. Just send a thought if you need me…Please need me,_ Kai added quietly.

_Be gone, devil._

You were pleasantly surprised when Bucky made simple conversation with you while the two of you stood at the sink, side by side. There were a few suggestive comments, but nothing uncomfortable. It was like you were talking to Bucky in your regular form, again.

You watched as he rinsed off a plate and narrowed your eyes, determined. _I think_ , you sent to Kai, _I’m going to kiss him._

_What?! Now?_

_Yeah, he’s…_ Bucky looked up, smiling when he caught you staring, and handed you the plate. You smiled back weakly, putting the plate into the dishwasher. _He’s being good right now. He deserves a smooch._

_And how do you think he’ll interpret that smooch, babu?_

_You know, like…just your friendly bro-like smooch. You know._

You could practically hear Kai snickering. You didn’t want to kiss Bucky, but if it meant getting your body back, it was going to have to happen.

As soon as all the dishes were in the dishwasher, you washed your hands, feeling jittery all over. Your stomach was in knots, and you thought your hair was going to start smoking, but you held it in, internalizing all your nerves.

“So I guess you’re going home tonight, huh?” Bucky said. He was leaning against the counter to your right, just watching you.

“Well, Kai said I could stay one more day, and I hear there are plenty of guest rooms here so…” You patted your hands dry on the dish towel and raised your eyes to see him staring at you, his eyes dark and smoky again. “Uh…”

“There’s also my room,” Bucky said softly, pushing off from the counter and sauntering over to you. God, he was huge. And he was touching your hip. His hand was on your hip. Oh, dear.

“Oh, that—that won’t be necessary. Thanks.” Now his other hand was on your neck, his thumb rubbing your jawline. You bit into your lower lip as he stepped closer. “Bucky…”

“Al,” he returned smoothly.

Now you understood how he’d seduced so many. You were getting lost in those deep blue eyes, and the way he was licking his lips wasn’t helping.

 _Just pretend it’s Steve, it’s just Steve, it’s your Stevie,_ you told yourself. You sighed in resignation and put your hands on Bucky’s shoulders. You paused. _Kai?_

The man before you transformed. Dark brown hair shortened and faded to golden-blond. Blue eyes turned brighter, a little less haunted, and flecks of green appeared. A clean-shaven jaw, a taller frame, slender waist, higher cheekbones. Steve.

 _Better?_ said Kai.

You nodded. Bucky— _Steve_ —looked at you questioningly, and then you were pushing up onto your toes to kiss him.

Your Steve-Bucky groaned into your mouth, his arms encircling your waist, one hand slipping up and under your shirt, the other snaking into your hair. His mouth was soft, and you wondered if this was what it would be like to really kiss Steve, if his kisses were as hungry as this one was. Steve-Bucky was ravenous, nipping at your bottom lip and tugging a bit on your curls to tip your head back. His mouth left yours in favor of kissing the rest of you, his lips exploring your chin, the column of your neck. You grasped his shoulders, waiting for the spell to reverse, waiting for your body to return to normal. When you felt nothing, you opened your eyes—

And saw another Steve standing in the kitchen. The real Steve.

 _Shit._ There were the murder eyes again.

 _Shit,_ Kai echoed.

You shoved Bucky away from you, just as Steve turned and stormed down the hallway.

“Whoa, Al, what’s—” Bucky stood there dumbfounded while you ran out of the kitchen. “Al?” He wiped at his mouth, brow furrowed while he tried to figure out what had went wrong. “Was I that bad?” he asked himself.

 _Not at all,_ said Kai. _Wanna make out?_

Bucky grinned. _My room or yours, dollface?_

 _God rest Alvin’s soul,_ Kai muttered to no deity in particular, then to Bucky, _Wanna christen Tony’s new silk sheets?_

_Like you have to ask._


	5. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash has a habit of getting herself into deeper trouble. An eager Bucky is one thing, but an angry Steve is an entirely different animal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, folks! the final chapter. i had a lot of fun with this fic, since it was basically a self-insert. i couldn't have done it without the lovely [thesinbin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thesinbin), for whom i am eternally grateful. you can thank them for providing kai's lines and a lot of the other moments you see here. thank you all for bearing with me these past couple years, and i hope this chapter is to your liking. enjoy!

“Steve! Steve, wait, I—”

Steve did wait. He halted right in the middle of the hallway, so that you bumped into him nose-first.

“Oof!” Now you had a sore nose, and you’d been caught kissing Bucky by Steve, and the kiss hadn’t worked in the first place (or was taking its sweet time to do so), and Steve was probably going to murder you. Right here, right now. “Steve…”

“You know,” Steve began, his voice cold as steel as he turned to face you, “it takes a real coward to take a woman out and then start kissing her friends in the span of a couple days.” He stepped forward, and you took a step back, cowering from him. “So tell me something, Al: you gonna tell Ash about this, or should I?”

You rubbed pitifully at your nose. “I didn’t…It didn’t mean anything, I promise—”

“Yeah, maybe not to you,” Steve snapped, “but now you’ve not only betrayed Ash’s trust, but you’ve led on my best friend. Can’t believe she ever brought you home.” His hands were balled into fists at his sides. “She has better judgment than that.”

“I do!” Steve’s glare turned into a confused frown, and you backtracked. “No, I mean, she does! And I do too! I’m just—” You sighed, throwing your hands up in defeat. “You’re right. I’m not good enough for her. I should never have come here.”

“You’re absolutely right, Al. You’re not good enough for her. None of us are.”

You tried to focus on how afraid you were about not changing back and not on how downright sexy Steve looked, with his brows drawn together and his eyes dark with fury. And the fact that he was doing this all out of protectiveness? For you? Your poor heart wouldn’t be able to take much more. “I’m really sorry, I am—”

“You’re about to break the heart of the sweetest girl on Earth,” Steve went on, towering over you. Was this how he was when he was interrogating criminals, intimidating the ones who clamped shut out of fear for their own lives? “She deserves the world, not a shitty cad like you. I have no idea how she’ll react, but you better be as fireproof as you think you are, ’cause I hope she scorches the hell outta you.”

“Right, I—”

“If you even think about coming back here, trying to beg for her forgiveness, I swear to God—I love her.” His jaw twitched, as if he’d let on more than he’d meant to. Did he… _Did Steve…_ “We all do. She’s got a whole army of heroes behind her who wouldn’t think twice about throwing you out on your ass.”

You stood there, watching him in wonder. If Bucky’s kiss hadn’t worked… “Steve,” you murmured, taking a step closer to him.

“You better get outta here before she comes back, or before Kai does, ’cause if anyone’s gonna be any angrier than me right now, it’ll be—”

Without a second thought, you lunged forward, yanking Steve down by the collar and pressing your lips to his.

For a moment, you swore you felt a spark between the two of you, a literal flash of energy that passed from you to him, or him to you, you couldn’t tell. You sighed into the kiss, reveling in how soft his mouth was on yours, and managed to wrap your arms around his neck before Steve shoved you away, almost knocking you off your feet. As he did, your forehead knocked his nose, and you stumbled backward, wondering if he’d meant to bite your lip out of revulsion, or if it had been as pleasurable for him as it had been for you.

You doubled over, heaving for breath, feeling your swollen bottom lip with your fingers. You felt like you were on fire, but thankfully, there were no flames in sight. You glanced over at Steve to see him probing his nose. He raised his eyes to yours, and in his gaze you saw a mixture of emotions: anger, confusion, a bit of recognition, and maybe…Desire?

That last one dissipated as fast as you’d seen it form. Steve had opened his mouth, was unleashing a string of reprimands on you, punctuated with plenty of curses, but all you could think about was how soft his lips had been, how sweaty your hands were, and how it appeared you were absolutely not changing back.

You were starting to panic, and before you could break down in the middle of the hallway, you turned and sprinted down the hallway past Steve, praying to high heaven that he wouldn’t follow you. You didn’t stop until you reached Kai’s room at the end of the hall. The security system accepted your thumbprint, and you hurried inside, slamming the door behind you.

When Kai arrived at their suite about an hour later, you were still curled up on their couch, staring blankly ahead with a haunted look in your eyes. They flashed you a quizzical look, noticing your nerves instantly. “Babu, what’s going on?”

You couldn’t speak, so you allowed them a peek into your most recent memories, from kissing Bucky to being threatened by Steve to kissing him, all for nothing.

“Oh, babu.” Kai crossed the room and sat on the couch by your head. You scooted toward them, resting your head on their lap. They stroked your head comfortingly, while you sniffled, tears threatening to fall.

“It didn’t work, Kai,” you mumbled, rubbing at your wet eyes with the end of your sleeve. “I kissed Bucky and it didn’t work. And then Steve got so mad…”

“Babu, he’s not mad at you,” Kai reassured you. “He’s mad at Al. And he’s mad at himself.”

You peered up at them curiously. “Why is he mad at himself?”

Kai grinned. “He almost lost you to…well, you. ‘Al’ seemed like a threat to him, but Steve’s so nice, he’d never do anything about it unless you were unhappy, and since ‘Al’ kissed Bucky…”

“You should’ve seen him, Kai,” you rasped, turning to lie on your back. “He got so protective of me, and he kept going on about how I deserve the best.” You grinned weakly through the tears. “He said I’m the sweetest.”

“It’s true. You give me cavities.”

“And I know he thought the kiss was inappropriate but…I think he kinda liked it.”

Kai arched one bold, perfectly groomed eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah, he looked like it. I think he was mostly mad, but…Kai, I think he really likes me.”

“No shit, babu. He’s head over heels for you. Took you this long to figure it out?”

You frowned. “I don’t like expecting things from people, least of all Steve. I figured he would’ve made a move if he was into me, you know?”

“You two are some of the most oblivious babes I’ve ever met. Beautiful, oblivious babies.” Kai patted your cheek affectionately, sending you a montage of images you’d seen before: moments when Steve had taken the time to help you perfect a move, or bandage your knuckles, or check up on you after a stressful mission. Moments where you’d been so thankful for his friendship, wondering if he felt the same way, if these moments were a testament to those feelings. “But that doesn’t mean it’s too late!”

Your frown deepened into a scowl. “Kai, I’m stuck in this body. And Steve hates this body right now.”

“Well, if he enjoyed that kiss, and you explained everything to him…Maybe he’d be willing to make it work.”

“I don’t know, Kai…”

“You underestimate how much he loves you, babu.”

_“Love?”_

“Oh, yeah. You should see how he looks at you when you’re not looking. Well, _looked_ at you. But he’d be a fool not to want you in this body, too.”

You blinked. “And if he doesn’t like guys?”

Kai snorted. “You can’t tell me he’s not at least a little in love with Bucky. And Sam, oh, especially Sam. The man’s got a type: shapely badasses with thick thighs, and you’re one of them.”

You laughed. “Yeah, you’ve got a point there. Guess it’s time I make a move, huh?”

They brushed the stray curls from your forehead and fixed you with a warm, encouraging smile. “Babu, I promise you, no matter what, Steve’s gonna love you.”

You slung an arm around Kai’s waist, hugging them. “What would I do without you?”

“Probably have a lot more pure and holy thoughts. But who wants that?”

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Of course, but only if—”

“I’m not sleeping naked, Kai.”

“That’s not what I was going to say! I was going to say put on this slinky lil’ lace number I bought the other day. It’d be too tight on you but that’s, heh, that’s what I was going for.”

“Nope.”

“Fair enough. Let’s go to bed.”

* * *

As expected, Kai was gone when you woke up the next morning. You felt sore all over, probably from your workout, but you felt better somehow, about your whole situation. Even if you were stuck in this body forever, you knew you had people who’d love you no matter how you looked. If “Al” was here to stay, well, you would make it work.

You rolled onto your back, groaning when your muscles ached in protest.

And then you froze. Sat up. And groaned again.

That groan had sounded particularly ladylike. Your heart began to race, and you slowly looked down at your hands.

They were smaller, certainly more delicate and fine-boned than they had been yesterday. Could it be?

You hopped from the bed, hissing at the pain in your muscles, and hobbled over to Kai’s bathroom. You switched the light on and practically shouted with delight when you saw that you had indeed reverted back to your former self. Back was your softer face, your rounder cheeks and jawline. You shucked off your sweater and beamed at your familiar upper half. Your curves! How you’d missed them. And your boobs? They had never looked so good. Your thighs, your butt, even your calves looked heavenly after you’d gone so long without them.

The door of Kai’s suite opened and shut. You scrambled back into your sweater and ran out of the bathroom to tackle Kai with a hug. Their hair was damp, and they smelled like clean linen, which meant they had either borrowed Bucky’s body wash or shared a shower with him. You shuddered to think of what went on in that gym sauna just minutes earlier.

“Oh, thank god, your boobs are back,” Kai sighed into your hair, hugging you back firmly.

You pulled back to find them smiling at you gleefully. “It feels good to be back to normal. I guess kissing Steve was all it took all along.”

“Looks like it.” As expected, their eyes clouded over wistfully. “Shame about Al though. Such god-like beauty wasn’t meant for this Earth.”

You pretended to pout. “But you love me?”

Kai grinned and booped your nose. “There’s no one I love more. C’mon, let’s go eat. I heard Sam and Steve are making waffles.”

Your lips twisted into a grimace. Kai corrected themself, “Sorry, Sam and _your boyfriend._ ” Your grimace deepened. “Boo-thang?” _Dear Lord._ “Love muffin?”

“Let’s go already.”

The whole team was gathered in the kitchen and dining area, sans Thor. You made a mental note to hug Thor next time you saw him, then tell him to keep his sleazy, greasy brother away from you. Tony was leaning against the counter next to Steve, no doubt giving him shit about how he was stirring the mix or some other miniscule detail. Sam was humming to himself as he poured batter into one of the five waffle irons. Clint was eating a waffle, probably his third, next to Pietro, who was probably eating his sixteenth. Wanda and Vision were already seated in the common room in front of the TV. You didn’t see Bruce; you figured today would be a lab day. Kai took a seat next to Bucky, who also looked freshly showered and also smelled of clean linen. Bucky looked over at you with a grin.

“Hey, kid,” he greeted you, reaching over to squeeze your shoulder. He looked past you, even craning his neck to look down the hall. “I take it Al has left the building.”

You tapped your nails against the counter. You could see Steve looking at you in your peripherals. “Yep. Left late last night. Sorry he couldn’t say goodbye.”

Bucky looked to Kai, who smirked at him, and then back to you, a smirk of his own slowly growing on his dumb handsome face. “Tragic. Tragic indeed.”

In came Natasha. You turned to greet her, then did a double-take. She was dressed in a long, gauzy robe over a lacy black chemise, her hair falling to her shoulders in elegant waves. She looked absolutely stunning. You looked around the room to see everyone else equally shocked. Clint’s jaw had dropped, and a bit of chewed-up waffle fell out onto his plate.

“Good morning,” Nat yawned, stretching her arms above her head. She took a seat next to you, scanning the room. “So, Ash, where’s—”

“Al? He left last night,” you stammered. “Meant to wish you goodbye but had to leave in a hurry.”

Nat blinked, looking equal parts unbothered and entirely disappointed. “Shame. He was kinda cute, huh?” She stood and moved into the kitchen, accepting the next waffle from Sam.

Bucky was smirking at her knowingly. “How adorable, you getting all dressed up for him, Natalia.”

Natasha whipped around and threatened him with a few menacing words of Russian that made Bucky go white as a sheet. He went back to eating his breakfast with shaky hands. You’d never seen him look so afraid. Nat walked over to Clint and sat down next to him in a huff.

You shook your head and palmed your face tiredly. Had Al really been that attractive? No one had even welcomed you back. You cleared your throat. “Can I have the next one, Sam?” you piped up.

“Sure thing, Sparky. Say, where does Al live? He said he’d come over to watch the game with me next weekend.”

Tony was next. “And I invited him to our next gala. Be sure to pass along the invitation, ’kay, hon?”

“I thought his name was Abe?” said Pietro.

“Al, short for Alexander,” Clint told him.

“No, it was definitely Alvin,” Wanda called over her shoulder.

Kai cleared their throat. “Well, who cares! Ash is back, so that’s Gucci. Let’s—”

“Damn, I don’t think I even gave him my number,” Sam sulked. “FRIDAY, pull up Alvin…What was his last name again?”

You threw up your hands. “Didn’t get it! Oh, well.” You glanced over at Steve to see him shaking his head slowly.

“Well, message him and tell him I’m serious about the game.”

Your eye twitched. “Sure, Sam.”

Kai reached over to pat you on the back comfortingly. You sighed and buried your face in your hands. All you wanted was to put the whole Al mishap behind you. You hadn’t meant to leave such a lasting impression on the team. Maybe it was your fault for being so charming.

While the rest of the team prattled on about how cute and lovable and all around great Al was, you tried focusing on anything other than that, or your grumbling stomach. Where was Sam with your waffle anyway? He’d promised you the next one—

A warm hand touched your shoulder, and a waffle appeared on a plate in front of you. You glanced up and saw Steve standing next to you. He looked downright delectable in sweats and a long-sleeve, fitted workout shirt—when was he going to start buying shirts in his actual size?—that stretched just right over his chest and shoulders. His hair was uncombed, tousled like he had just rolled out of bed. His eyes were warm as he looked at you with a mixture of concern, sympathy, and a tenderness you had never expected.

“Figured you were needing one of these,” Steve said, reaching across you for the syrup. “Hope it tastes alright.”

You blinked at him. Several times. Here you were, supposedly back from a few days to yourself, without letting any of them know, and he was still so caring. He even brought you your own waffle. Part of you insisted that you didn’t deserve this man, this man who would fight strangers for your honor and who would defend you when you weren’t even there, this man who only wanted to see you happy. Then the better part of you took over and reminded you that you sure as hell deserved Steve, just as he sure as hell deserved you.

You leaned over and kissed him, a soft, gentle peck on the lips. Steve seemed to tense up in surprise, then he relaxed, and then you pulled away, just in time to see him open his eyes, which were glazed over a bit. His cheeks were tinged with pink. You giggled and started cutting into your waffle. “Hope you didn’t miss me too much,” you teased, peering up at him coyly through your lashes.

Steve chuckled good-naturedly and sat down in the chair next to you, flashing you a look that promised a lot more than just a chaste kiss in your future. “Glad to have you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all again for reading! and let me know what yall think!


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